My Rededication

I am rededicating myself.

To the Gospel.

To Temple Work.

To Missionary Work.

But most importantly, to the Lord.

I told myself that when I quit working, I would spend my days reading the scriptures, studying PMG, and going to the temple. The reality, however, has demonstrated to me the power of Netflix to the wayward soul...

So I have decided to rededicate myself. I made a commitment to myself and my Savior this morning to not use social media today (a rule I'll be breaking to post this on my wall, but I got permission for that.) I'm going to try to cut back on it entirely. I've removed the Facebook shortcut from my phone, and I've tried to not even pick that up today.

I've also been lacking in my scripture study, and worst of all, prayer. So I knelt down and asked forgiveness, and then hit the book, as it were. I focused on understanding everything, rereading passages often, and multiple times. I have trouble focusing a lot of the time, but I'm trying to improve. That's all I can do.

I finished my routine by praying again, and then writing in my journal. It was wonderful, feeling the spirit, and being so moved to write. I wrote more today than I think I ever have, over a page of thoughts and feelings given me from Him.

I have realized again these past few days and weeks that Satan's plan really is easy. It's a trap disguised as an oasis of "fun" in a desert of duty and dedication. But I have walked that path before. I have drunk from the pools of that oasis, and I can promise you that while it is desirable and pleasant, it cannot bring you real happiness. It cannot replace the pure joy felt when in the presence of the Spirit.

Living the Gospel is the only thing that has ever made me truly happy. It filled the hole in my heart that was gaping for so many years, and replaced it with peace. My mom asked me a question the other day as I sat with her: "What happened to all your rage?" For those of you who may not have had the displeasure of knowing me in my youth, I had a temper that would explode at the drop of a feather. I would often hit things, punch holes in walls, break things, and scream in rage. If you look carefully in my home, you can find spots where the spackle isn't quite the same as surrounding areas, places that have been patched after my fits of rage.

It had diminished in recent years, but ever since returning to the Gospel, it has vanished completely. The Father changed my heart during my conversion and replaced all my anger and rage with peace and joy, and I am forever indebted to Him for it.

And so I find myself here, reflecting on all that He has done for me, and finding myself lacking in the gratitude and dedication departments. Thus, I will try harder.

I will do better.

And I will be better.

For Him, who saved me.