The Downside Of A Miraculous Conversion

You might have just read the title of this post, and you may be confused. How can there be any downside to a miraculous conversion? How can feeling the Lord's love intensely, deeply, unequivocally in an instant have a drawback? I assure you there is.

The problem is that in that moment of spiritual rebirth, and the ensuing honeymoon period, there is so much hope, and very little doubt. Temptation seems a distant memory, and you thirst for spiritual moments. But after the honeymoon ends, Satan and his minions come back harder than ever. You've got new spiritual body armor, and they bought armor piercing bullets.

Doubt stars to creep back in, and although you still feel spiritual, it's nowhere near the level you felt before. You feel almost alone, having become accustomed to God's near constant presence. As hard as you try, you can't get that same level of spiritual companionship. It hurts, having been so close to Him, and then to feel his presence withdraw to a distance closer than before the rebirth, but farther than you feel comfortable with. My father has often told me that hell isn't a dark, dank place of fire and brimstone, it is being out of the presence of God.

And you feel like you're in hell.

Whereas during the honeymoon, you pray always, and receive answers almost immediately or feel his love and peace upon you, you now plead for an answer, and feel nothing. Not because there is nothing to feel, but because the comfort of the spirit that was once so strong with you is back in it's natural state. A still small voice. And you're not yet accustomed to being able to the spirit in that subtle state.

This is where things get hard.

I've often wondered why I've heard of so many returned missionaries going inactive after their missions, but I think I understand it now. When on the mission, you're entire day is dedicated to the Lord, to serving His flock, and doing His work. The level of companionship with His spirit must be immense. But the transition must also be difficult. Going from serving Him in all things, and that being your only focus, to being back with family and friends, worrying about the temporal things in your life. That spirit must withdraw, and settle back at a distance you aren't used to.

So now that we have had this spiritual companionship, and subsequently felt it lessened, we must strive even harder to keep that relationship going. We have to fight for every step forward, because Satan and his minions are fighting twice as hard to pull you back. In Journey to the Veil, John Pontius discusses the ways in which the opposition seeks to destroy us. He ends that post with "They are planning our demise with evil intent, and great malice, and we're watching television."

How poignant that is. We get caught up in the worries of the world, the woes of our situation. We often times desire for the things of the world over the things of the spirit. After a day set aside for the giving of thanks, we wake up early to beat our fellow man to the cheapest flat screen. Even those of us most acquainted with Him and His spirit will slip, and fall into the traps set for us, because we are natural, fallen men and women. We've been at this for tens of years at best. But they have been doing this for thousands of years, since the fall of Adam. No wonder it's so hard to stay the course, to hold to the iron rod, and endure to the end.

But I know that there is a way. That through Christ, through His Love, and Atonement, we can again come to know his presence. The most important lesson we can learn is that we are going to fail! We must accept this, and move on, as Christ accepts us, and our faults, and continues to help us move forward. It is my sincere hope, my brothers and sisters, that we might always remember Him, and have His spirit to be with us. To lead us, and guide us toward our eternal glory. We must trust in Him with everything we are, even through the hard times, the dark times, the doubts and worries. Trust in Him, and turn to Him in every trial, and you shall be delivered.

I love you, my friends.

-Taylor